"Noah," don't do it!

At about 8:45 this morning, I was in the produce department of the Fairway grocery, Broadway at 73rd, playing softball with Sarah Jessica Parker and talking shoes. I have very colorful dreams.  I can understand the Fairway Grocery part. Next month we are going to New York and staying at the Beacon Hotel.  That is right across the street from Fairway on the upper west side. And shoes make sense, too. I just wrote a little piece on shoes for an assignment for my writer's group. (It will appear here in the middle of the month.  Two birds, one stone) And softball makes a kind of sense because we are going to baseball games in Peoria and Chicago this summer.

My question is, what was Darren Aronofsky (he of "Black Swan") dreaming when he not only came up with "Noah"but managed to get actors, funding, and actually put it on the screen? How did presumably bright people (that may be overreaching) go along with this, nod, and say" Oh boy, that's a great idea. " I think it was the stone angels,  transformer-like quasi-Biblical digital creations, that pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks. (Not tracks, really. I was sprawled in a recliner in the den, stupified from Christmas dinner and just waiting to eat again.  But, same thing.) The angels plus Russell Crowe's magically changing haircut and his "What in the hell am I doing here?" expression made up  an accident I couldn't take my eyes off of, (except for a short nap,) an accident revealing careers sinking  faster then the Marie Celeste.

 I'm with you, Russell. This is  undoubtedly the worst movie of all time. You know it it and I know it; let's not pussyfoot around.  It ranks as most awful because of it's pretentiousness, its huge budget, its veering off into wildly insane territory unrelated to the story it purports to tell, and much more.

There other "worst," movies, of course, and they will pop up on any Google list.  Take "Plan 9 from Outer Space."  It almost always tops the list, and it is truly deserving. But it has charm. It's cheap, full of unintentional blunders and is reminiscent of kids making a movie in their back yard.  You can't hate that. You can really and in good conscience hate "Noah."

If you want a couple of great movies, find "Assassination Tango " or "Ghost Dog."  I'll say no more.  Not everyone's taste, but great just the same. Stay away from "Noah," a plague all by itself.